Becoming Her - Love From the Inside Out #2

Episode 2

When I finally came to the realization that something had to change, I wasn't making progress because there was something holding me back. I recognized that my first step needed to be healing.

I'm not the type of person who deals with things. I like to bury them deep down inside and tuck them away in hopes they will just go away. That plan wasn't working very well.

You see, when you bury things deep, they eventually come out in ways you don't expect. Triggers will happen that bring up those memories, those moments you tried to pretend didn't happen. The other thing is, you fill your inner being with negative energy and memories. Those memories, even though you don't necessarily remember them because you buried them, come out as negative thoughts and insecurities about yourself. You feel bogged down with the weight of negative comments and events that happened, and you start picking yourself apart.

I know I did, and I had to heal and let those things go in order for me to start to love myself. This was the part I didn't like. It meant sifting through hurtful comments, years of bullying, and events that took place that shouldn't have happened.

I grew up physically fast. I had a woman's body at a young age when I was still just a child. There were a lot of sexual advances and comments from men much older than me that shouldn't have happened.

When I became a teenager, I felt so unlovable and thought maybe giving in was the only way someone would love me. I had guy friends who told me I was just one of the guys... I wasn't pretty enough to catch the eye of anyone of caliber, and I believed that.

When I started to gain weight—which I gained a lot of weight fast due to a very stressful situation—people liked to comment on my weight, including friends and family

."Wow, you've gotten big."

"Look at the size of your butt... yeesh!"

"How are you going to lose weight if you eat that?"

"You look like a fatter version of your sister."

"Oh, I didn't recognize you with all the weight you gained."

And so on and so on.

I continued to bury things, let people use me as a doormat, and I ate my feelings instead of dealing with them. That was the cycle of my life until the age of 35, when I realized something had to change.

I didn't like going through the garbage I buried. It was painful. It brought up things I didn't want to remember, but I had to. I had to release it so I could start to figure out who Rennie truly was and to learn to love the real me.

That was my first step.

If you're looking for a profound, miracle-working 5-step program to learn how to love yourself again—or maybe for the first time—I don't have one. I have some very realistic steps that helped me, and maybe they will help you.

If you're like me and push your feelings and hurts deep down inside, it's time to bring them out. There are many ways to do that:

• Seek therapy or counseling

• Write your story to process emotions

• Share your feelings with a trusted friend.

  .

Find the way that works best for you and start there

It's time to let the hurt go, to forgive yourself and maybe others, and not let those past hurts and words control you any longer. It's time to be free!

Looking back, I can see how far I've come. Learning to love myself has been the most rewarding journey.

Let's choose today to be Day 1 of your healing, becoming you, and loving yourself from the inside out.